Funniest Thing I Heard This Week

I’m in a store. Nothing odd about that. Of course, it’s a clothing store and I’m not a big shopper. I’m a much better returner. But, it is what it is. I need a few things, so I’m in there…. shopping.

Luckily, I’m also being ignored. I hate when you just want to look and the sales people are all over you. They usually are in this store. Only, they’re doing some big floor move. Putting new stuff up. Taking old stuff down. Making a bigger mess of the place than my floor closet when company shows up unannounced.

There’s a family in the same section of this standalone, plaza size shop.  Well, a sterotypical soccer mom and three kids. Dad was obviously smart enough to opt out. The boys, for some really odd reason, seemed to have thought they were all going for ice cream.

There’s no ice cream in this shop.

There’s not even an ice cream shop in this plaza.


The kids are actually being really good. I mean, they’re goofing around but they aren’t loud. They aren’t running around. They aren’t getting near other shoppers. This is amazing seeing as the oldest boy is probably 12 — maybe 13 — then a 10-year-old, then a 9-year-old girl (those two introduced themselves to me to tell me I looked pretty in a skirt I tried later. I wish I could have just hired them to do the shopping for me.)

So, the kids start giggling…then laughing a lot. I’m still not sure what it was that had them so tickled, but they were having a grand old-time following their mum around…I guess she was getting curious too, because she looked over her shoulder and the first shocked words out of her mouth were:

“Michael! Holy *expletive**expletive* – Did you take the *expletive*clothes off those mannequins? What the *expletive* were you thinking.”

At this point, she’s rushing toward the front of the store to… I don’t know what. Cover the mannequins some how I guess.

The kids are laughing way too hard to stop her… or maybe they knew good comedy when they saw it coming so they didn’t stop her on purpose.

She starts glancing around, looking for loose clothing to redress the mannequins and when she can’t find any, she starts pulling clothes off a rack and dressing them. Only they’re stand up mannequins so there’s no way to put the pants on them. She’s trying to figure out how to put the pants on (and her kids are still laughing… hard) when the sales girl walks up and says… in one of those I-don’t-want-to-accuse-you-of-being-nuts-but voices, “Can I help you?”

The mom, poor dear, is still trying to somehow shove clothes on the naked-snow-white bodies as the girl looks on a little frantically…her gaze switching from the woman to the pile of clothes she’s creating trying to dress those things.

“I’m so sorry. My kids love a good joke, but I can’t believe they’d put naked people in your window!”

At this point, I’m wondering if *I* should have said something, but I’m kind of with the kids on this one. It’s way too good to look away from.

“Um, ma’am. Your kids didn’t do that. We’re redressing the store.”

At this point, the woman has one of the mannequins in a headlock as she tries to force a too small tank top over it’s removable head. Unfortunately, that’s about the time she accidentally figures out that the head is removable.


We all kind of wait.


Yeah, we’re still waiting.

“Well then. I guess maybe you shouldn’t leave these in the window naked. I mean, nudity isn’t exactly the look you’re going for.” With that, Soccer Mom calls her kids and marches out of the store, head held semi-high… kids laughing so hard one’s on the verge of an asthma attack.

All I could think was: Best. Shopping. Day Ever.


Speak Your Mind


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.