Voting closed early, see why HERE: https://www.facebook.com/bria.quinlan/posts/1535943193133727
We’re deep into page one now! Here’s what I’d like to say: Forget everything you know about these lines so far. We’re no longer in hook for a lot of them. Don’t keep judging them but what’s hookiest because some have moved into story. Keep that in mind.
We have 10 entries left – Tuesday we’ll have 8.
You get two votes.
And — don’t forget to check if you won: The winner from the comments from last round is….SARA.
Sara, email me at briaquinlan AT aol.com and let me know if you want Finding Your Writer’s Voice, one of my YA or Rom Com ebooks, or a $5 GC for Amazon.
ROUND FIVE ENTRIES:
CHIME, YA Sci Fi
I opened the pantry to get a box of cereal, and my brother’s AK-47 fell over with a clang at my feet. I jerked out the magazine, pulled the bolt to check the chamber and popped out the round.
“Mom, Nicholas left his AK loaded again,” I said and set the weapon on the stainless steel counter.
Nicholas skidded into the kitchen, sliding on his socked feet. “Why’d you have to tell, Chime?
UNCONTROLLED HOPE, Paranormal Romance
Beneath the inky black of a moonless night, Nyah Kendrick hiked through the dense Maine forest, her heart racing with anticipation of the hunt. The artic wind rattling the branches above her carried the clean scent of fresh snow mixed with the stench of the humans waiting to die.
Some of her clan, including a few she hunted with tonight, felt sympathy for these weak creatures—not Nyah. Humans had ripped apart the very fabric of her existence when they slaughtered everyone she loved and left her for dead. Hatred rose up, consuming her in its darkness, until there was no other emotion save for her razor-sharp need for revenge.
HIS DARK TEMPTATION, Paranormal Romance
Dorran took a step into the hotel room situated above one of the taverns in the Temple Bar District and cursed every undying god he knew of.
He had been searching for his female, his mate, for almost a thousand years and she had been in this very room within the last twenty-four hours.
And he had missed her.
Roaring so that the generic decorations and frames on the walls rattled, he placed his palms flat against the door frame and hung his head, taking in deep breaths of the scent that electrified each and every hair on his body, that set fire to the blood rushing through his veins.
She smelled like sea spray and a sky full of heavy rain clouds and her absence opened up a yawning ache where his heart should be.
MIDNIGHT’S BALANCE, Paranormal Romance
“If you take another Instagram snap, I’m going to feed you to the alligator.”
She didn’t acknowledge the threat, but waved glitter tipped fingers in my direction, and continued tapping her phone in a blaze of glory.
For the first time in 300 years, I was struck speechless by a familiar…on her first day no less.
I snatched the slim rose gold device from her palms, and a full two seconds passed before its absence registered.
Kids these days owned multiple electronics branded with the same tiny apples, which made me wonder if Hades himself might discover the logo stamped on their souls when they selfied their way to the Underworld.
RED, YA Paranormal Romance
I closed my eyes and raised my nose to the wind hoping for a scent of the girl. It was there, the cloying ballroom scent of lavender…and him.
Only instinct blocked my brothers’ familiar scents and the lightened tread of their boots on the hunt. And then, as the wind turned, it hit me–the blunt, iron scent of blood.
I stopped, raising my bow to the ready, before signaling my brothers to halt behind me.
LIFE RIGHT NOW, YA Rom Com/Chick Lit
“Do you think you could squeeze an entire life into one day?”
It wasn’t the question that froze my brain–it was the girl. She was gorgeous, but it was her water drenched eyes that stopped the flip answer I’d had ready.
“I guess that depends on why you needed to,” I said, a little worried she was going to start a full on girl-cry thing right there on the plane.
“Sometimes the need isn’t the only reason,” she said, staring past me as the land fell away behind us.
AT FIRST BLUSH, Contemp Romance
The door to the Happy Clam Family Restaurant blew open, bringing in a gust of cold air and the haunting ghost from Hope Windward’s past. Confusion and suspicion swirled in her belly, working its way up her esophagus, nearly choking her with fright. No, not him. Hope flicked the beer tap back, her hand trembling as she slid the Sam Adam’s down the bar to her customer.
The afternoon sun reflected off the ocean, nearly blinding her, but not so much that she couldn’t make out his face.
HELL’S PARADISE – Romance, other
Ghost had grown accustomed to the shadows.
Living in darkness had become a haven and a prison sentence.
His job was to stop bad things before they happened to good people. He protected the innocent, even if it meant sacrificing himself, even if that made him a not so nice person, even if it was the reason he was away from her. He’d saved her or she’d saved him – how didn’t matter because there was truth in both their versions.
CASANOVA EXPOSED, Contemp Romance
Goodbye dignity.
Hovering over a toilet in a stall with her borrowed cocktail dress squeezed between her knees to keep it from falling in had to be the final nail in Kate Vernon’s dignity. Normally she didn’t eavesdrop, but when juicy gossip paid the bills…
“I don’t know why you’re bothering with Mark Stanton,” the woman by the mirror said in a bored and jaded tone.
“I’m going to have him again,” the other woman said, her voice smug as if she knew a secret the rest of womankind didn’t.
UNTITLED #1, Paranormal Romance
One can hear the Earth in the absence of human noise.
Here, high in the jagged mountains, the valley far below and the empty sky above, Micah could hear it whispering to him.
Today, the Earth whispered, you are no longer alone; someone was coming up the mountain.
And even though the Earth wasn’t alive in the same sense he was, for just a moment, he felt the presence of another Elemental in those words. Micah spread out his power like roots, into the ground below his feet, looking for confirmation of what was tingling at the edge of his senses.
I’m still most interested in the same ones as the last round (Chime and Life After Now), but I find it interesting that I’m becoming more interested in a few that hadn’t really been at the top of my list before (Midnight’s Balance’s newest line made me snort). And one that I voted for in round one is still good, but it’s not holding my attention as much as it did with the first line (Casanova Exposed — which is not to say it’s not still good). And quite honestly, I think every entry in this round was interesting in some way for me, which I couldn’t have said for every entry in even the previous round. But at the same time, there were a few that I was intrigued by that didn’t make my top two last time that didn’t make it to this round, so it’s funny how being forced to just choose 2 sometimes means that some very good stories don’t make it further on. And now I’m just rambling.
I only discovered this contest in round 4 and now I’m hooked!
Getting to this many lines, you can really see how well crafted each line in each story is. Very, very hard to chose, because they are all winners in their own way. My cursor wavered back and forth on this vote.
Boo, my favorite got knocked out this past round. Love seeing the stories take shape and the author’s getting into the story.
I’m glad to see my favorite since the beginning is still in the running. Had to pick a new second favorite but that was okay, with more lines added it has become a hard choice.
I love that we’re at the point where if I picked up one of these books in a bookstore, I’d be at the end of page 1, deciding whether to turn for more. My top two (CHIME and LIFE RIGHT NOW) are still surviving, and I love it. 🙂 Each word packs a punch, and nothing’s wasted. After each line of both of them, I’m intrigued. This line from CASANOVA is my fave in the contest, I think: “Hovering over a toilet in a stall with her borrowed cocktail dress squeezed between her knees to keep it from falling in had to be the final nail in Kate Vernon’s dignity.” I’d strongly encourage the author to ditch the first line and start here. 🙂 Great job, everyone!
Yes, CHIME and LIFE RIGHT NOW are definitely my top 2. Chick Lit isn’t really my thing but I really like where LIFE RIGHT NOW is going. LIFE RIGHT NOW’s author really knows how to make sentences…unexpectedly fresh.
It’s interesting to read all the comments and what pulls at each of us. For me, it’s the description of action and scene that makes me feel like I’m right there with the characters and makes me want to read more. That being said, I’m enjoying all of them and had a very hard time voting on just two.
I’m still hanging on to my favorite – and this additional line made me go, “Oh!” I definitely want to keep reading!
We are definitely beyond just the hook now– we are coming up on the turning of the first page into page two. I’m reading for character, for voice, and for what has the gears in my head cranking. How is this going to be different from others I’ve read in the genre? Is it predictable or are they going to throw me for a curve ball? My top two are very different submissions, both in terms of genre and in style. Hard to believe these are unpublished works!
Harder than ever to vote for just two. I voted for the ones whose next lines I wanted to read the most based on details and voice. But there were more I would have chosen if I had more votes.
I’m still hanging out with the Happy Clam Family because this author has intrigued me from the beginning. What I began to think about this round is that my other choice is untitled. I’m definitely hooked into the story and want to continue reading, but I wonder now if the title and the cover would prevent me from picking up this book and reading as far as I have. It could be a real challenge for the author and at this point I can’t even imagine what I’d like to see on the cover. I’m reminded once again of the importance of well chosen words, perhaps even more than an image or a title. I may open more books now…just saying.
I’ve been loving this contest, Bria. All three of my original faves are still here (which means I had to knock one off the list this round!), and I want to read them more than ever. I can’t wait to find out who the authors are so I can try to convince them to submit the finished books to me. LOL
It’s interesting to me how many people are saying “My favorites” — It makes me wonder how truly we’re coming to this with fresh eyes.
I know that my favs have been different almost every time. My first round line felt like a home run – the the second line was like, Oh… where’d all the magic go. Another favorite was a first and second, but the third was so mundane, and not in a juxt way, that I walked from it.
I guess – pushing you guys to stop thinking as favorites/Team This Line – and come fresh 😉
This is my second go at this. One of the ones that initially grabbed me with such awesome humour is still my favourite, but neither of the other two kept my attention as much as another one that hadn’t even made it to my short-list to choose from last time.
Bria, I can’t speak for evryone else, but what I’m mentally calling my favourites / short-list isn’t going on my own personal style of choice for reading. I’m normally rom-com / romance with a good bunch of quirky characters, and i almost never choose paranormal. Yet from my first read through of any of these ‘Midnight’s Balance’ grabbed me and I think of it as a ‘Favourite’, my front-runner. In fact, my new one I switched to is also paranormal as well. It’s been interesting taking them each on their own merit, in the spirit of which it was intended.
It’s interesting because I haven’t been checking the contest since the first day. I can see how people can stick with their favorites. I only vaguely remember the first round, but still, when I decided on my votes, I was definitely taking the first line into serious consideration. I would’ve voted differently in the first round, though.
Great fun. I’m excited about the ones that did make it, but wonder what happens to those who didn’t make it. What do those authors do now? Rewrite? Leave it? Scrap the whole book?
Good luck to those who are continuing on.
I’m still mostly excited about one that initially caught my attention (His Dark Temptation) but a story caught my eye this evening that I was not drawn to, at first. I found myself wanting more of it this round! Lovely job to all who have participated and a special BRAVO to all the writers who have continued thus far. Let’s keep up the momentum! (Sad that I missed voting, though.)